Getting Experienced
by miarae
Summary: [COMPLETE] Rory is ready for sex with Dean. The only problem is, he thinks she already has experience. So she turns to Jess for help
1. Friends

This fic is a bit AU. Rory has been dating Dean for over a year, and they finally decide to do "it". The only problem is, Rory has told Dean she already has experience in that particular area. She doesn't want him to find out and goes to the person that always helps her out: Jess.  
  
I know they're probably OOC, but that's what AU can do.  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah I own Milo...his gorgeous body is in my bed every night...I wish. Don't own anything...just the story.  
  
Please read and review! Negative feedback also appreciated, but make it constructive! And English isn't my first language so don't tell me my English sucks...please.  
  
Have fun reading!  
  
Rory and Jess were up in Jess's bedroom. They had been reading one of the books for school and were now discussing it. Suddenly Rory looked at Jess. "Jess...we're friends right?"  
  
Jess, who had been writing something in the margin of his book, looked up at Rory and saw the serious look on her face. He put down the book he was writing in and made himself comfortable on the bed before answering her question. "Course we are" Rory walked up to the bed and sat down next to him. "How much would you do for me?" He was surprised with the insecure tone in her voice. What was this all about? "Is there something wrong Ror?"  
  
"Dean" He sighed inwardly. Ofcourse it was about Dean. He wished she would know how he felt about her. But as long as she was with bagboy he didn't stand a chance. "Dean and I have decided we are ready." **I so don't want to know this** He smiled at her. "That's great" He didn't understood what her problem was though. What did she need his help for?  
  
"The problem is" Her cheeks turned red and she started fidgeting with the blanket. "Dean doesn't know I'm still a virgin..." "And you want me to help you figure out a way to tell him?" Her cheeks reddened even more and she shook her head. "I can't tell him. He will blow this all out of proportion and think I lie about everything..."  
  
Instantly Jess remembered why he hated Dean so much. Not only was he Rory's boyfriend, but he was a jerk too. He would get insanely jealous over everything. He remembered how it used to be in the early days of their friendship. Every time they were talking he had had the feeling Dean was watching them. It turned out he had been right, and Rory and Dean had almost broken up. But Rory, being the sweet person that she was, forgave him, and they had been together ever since.  
  
"So...what I wanted to ask you...is..." She looked at everything besides him, almost wanting to back out. But she couldn't. She needed to do this. It was better if she just said it fast, and got it over with. "you have experience with girls. What I wanted to ask you is...if you...could maybe...be my first"  
  
There...she had said it. She didn't dare to look up for his reaction. Would this be the end of their friendship? Would he tell her he could never do that? Never could feel that way about her?  
  
**Oh my fucking god** Jess thought **is this really happening?** There the girl of his dreams was. Sitting on his bed, asking him to have sex with her. Screw the reasons, this was one offer he couldn't refuse.  
  
He took hold of her hand and brought it to his lips. She giggled but that ended when his warm mouth started sucking on her fingers. She didn't know something that innocent could feel this good. He pulled her close to him and looked at her pure, untouched body. Could he do this? Could he make her feel so good she wouldn't be afraid of sex? He knew he had had enough experience to satisfy a girl, but he wanted it to be more with Rory. He wanted it to be perfect, something she would look back on with a smile.  
  
He felt her body stiffen when one of his hands slid up her waist. Slowly he started rubbing circles on her back, trying to get her to relax. After a couple of minutes she let go of the tension her body held and snuggled up closer to him. He smiled at her, a reassuring smile. His eyes told her everything would be okay. She smiled back a little.  
  
Jess kissed her, one small kiss on her lips, before standing up and locking the door. Immediately she sat up again and looked scared, and he took her hands in his once again. "We don't have to do this Rory" He kissed her wrist and slowly worked his way up to her elbow. "But if you want to do this...know one thing...I'm not gonna hurt you...I want to make this perfect for you" She relaxed again and enjoyed the feeling he gave her. She never knew she could feel like this. Yes, she loved Dean, but yet his kisses didn't have this effect on her. Jess slowly pushed her down until her back touched the blankets on the bed. He lied next to her and put his hand on her hip. To Rory it seemed like the warmth of his hand spread over her whole body. Her lips parted a bit and her breathing sped up.  
  
To him, Rory had never looked more beautiful in her whole life. He knew she was here to have sex with him, but still she looked so innocent. He was sure angels had to look like this. One of her hands was playing with his hair, and this touch almost drove him crazy. He was already as hard as a rock, but didn't want to scare her and tried to be patient. He kissed his way up from her elbow to her shoulder and moved the strap of her bra to kiss her collarbone. He suppressed the urge to mark her as his and kissed his way up her neck. Her breathing was irregular and her body was hot under his hands. Slowly he started sucking on her earlobe while his hands slid under her shirt, carressing her stomach. He didn't know if she wanted him to kiss her and kept kissing and licking her neck until she moaned softly.  
  
She turned her head a bit and their lips met. Jess felt like he was in heaven. He didn't even remember when his obsession for her first started, but he knew he had waited for this moment way too long. She tasted sweet...strawberries, a hint of vanilla, and something that was totally her. He immediately got addicted to the taste and couldn't stop kissing her. He decided to speed things up a little and his hands found their way to her breasts. With years of experience he easily opened her bra while their tongues duelled.  
  
She was now lying on his bed. Naked. It kept getting harder and harder to take things slow. One part of him just wanted to push her down on that bed and take her right then and there. That was the passionate, dark side of him. The side of him that he showed in New York, where girls were just for fun. But there was also another side to him, a side Rory made him see. He could be tender and sweet, and right now she needed this side of him, she needed him to make this experience the best it could be, and he wasn't going to screw this up. Nope, not this time.  
  
He took her hand and placed it on his shirt, so she could open the buttons. Her hands were a little shaky at first, but grew more confident along the way. He kept kissing and carressing her breasts and neck while she was undressing him. He already found a particularly sensitive spot just beneath her ear. She kept moaning and wriggling under hem when he touched that spot. Soon she had his shirt unbuttoned and it was shed onto the floor. Her hands explored his chest, his abs and his biceps. In her smile he could see that she liked what she was feeling.  
  
His pants had joined his shirt on the floor and he was just wearing his boxers. It was really hard to keep moving this slowly, especially with her low moans and gasps as his tongue found all her sensitive spots. He had to remember himself time and time again that this wasn't about him. It was about Rory. About teaching her all the things she needed to know.  
  
For a second he thought she had changed her mind, when she pushed him away. But before he could say anything she straddled him and started kissing her way down his chest. **Is she really going to...?** he asked himself, but soon he found the answer. She was. And she was damn good at it, considering it was her first time she gave head. They had talked about stuff like this, and she always said it seemed gross to her. "Rory" His voice sounded hoarse. "you don't have to..."  
  
She looked up at him with a look of pure desire. "I know" She smiled and got back to work.  
  
Jess pulled her up and pushed her down on the bed so he was once again on top of her. He looked into her eyes and kissed away the fear she had. "Are you ready?"  
  
Rory smiled at him again and nodded. She had been ready ever since he had started kissing her. Jess sat up and silently took a condom out of his drawer. He put it on and lay next to her again. "I'm sorry...but this is gonna hurt a little..." He looked at her, still ready to stop if she wanted to back out. But she pulled him on top of her and kissed him passionately.  
  
As he got inside her he remembered why he liked virgins so much. They were so tight. But this time he wasn't going to be rough, he didn't want to cause her any pain that wasn't necessary. He pushed in as far as he could to make the pain less longer. She dug her nails deep into his back and let out a little muffled moan. "I'm sorry" he whispered in her ear "I'm sorry" She smiled at him as the pain dissapeared, and liked the feeling of him inside her. It made her feel full and so content she almost purred. Then his hand slid down and made her feel unbelievable things. Things that were so good that she stopped thinking and just wanted to feel this feeling forever.  
  
Afterwards they snuggled up together and lay in eachothers arms for a while. Then her mobile phone indicated that she had gotten an sms and she got up. She put her clothes back on and gave him a light kiss on the lips. "Thank you Jess...thanks for being my friend." 


	2. Badboy & Coffeelvr

A/N: I tried to write a second chapter, but I don't really know where to go with the story. This idea just popped into my head (and yeah I know it's not very original) so I'm posting it here. If anybody thinks I should write something else, please read, review and tell me your ideas! I like writing, I just don't know where this story should head. And I fear it will start to suck if I just write randomly. Well...enjoy and review!  
  
The silence that's fallen between us  
  
Is the loneliest sound that I've ever heard  
  
How can we find forgiveness  
  
If we can't find the words  
  
When we don't talk  
  
When we don't speak  
  
When we don't share all the feelings  
  
That are buried so deep  
  
How can we know  
  
What's hidden behind these walls  
  
When the door's locked  
  
When we lose touch  
  
When you and I lose sight of us  
  
The honesty's lost  
  
And tears say it all  
  
When we don't talk  
  
When so much goes unspoken  
  
And sorry is left unsaid  
  
The silence remains unbroken  
  
And our hearts are breaking instead  
  
(Ilse DeLange - When we don't talk)  
  
Jess was sitting in front of his computer. He hadn't talked to Rory since...well since they had sex. He found himself more in love everyday, and he wanted desperately to know how she felt. But she had been avoiding him, crossing the street at the mere sight of him. She didn't even come into the diner anymore. Dean picked up the three cups of coffee every morning, and every morning he hated him more. It seemed like Dean didn't even appreciate the beauty that was Rory. How could he just take her for granted? Jess knew, if she had been his, he would have made every day a day to remember. But she wasn't his, and that experience they shared had been the only thing he made good enough to remember. He didn't even know how she felt. He was scared she would regret it, and that their friendship would end because of this.  
  
Instead of drowning himself in a book he decided to go in a chatbox, to laugh at some of the losers who desperately wanted sex. He signed in under the name BADBOY and looked at some of the exchanges on the screen.  
  
He had to laugh about a comment a girl made. She made him think of Rory, and he decided to talk to her.  
  
BADBOY: hey  
  
COFFEELVR: hey badboy  
  
BADBOY: you really put that guy in his place...  
  
COFFEELVR: yeah well...guys who want sex that desperately are just pathetic...  
  
BADBOY: I agree...it's sad when you have to ask for sex online...there are always people who can help you out...  
  
COFFEELVR: what do you mean?  
  
BADBOY: oh nothing...just...when you want sex, it's kinda impersonal to ask for it on a chatbox...I mean everybody has friends right...  
  
COFFEELVR: so you say that if you want to be deflowered it's better to choose one of your friends?  
  
BADBOY: yes  
  
COFFEELVR: I don't agree...  
  
BADBOY: why not?  
  
COFFEELVR: cause I know what effects it can have...I had sex with my best friend too, and now we're barely talking to eachother...  
  
BADBOY: what happened? He wasn't good?  
  
COFFEELVR: quite the opposite exactly. He was amazing.  
  
BADBOY: so what went wrong?  
  
COFFEELVR: I have a boyfriend, who wanted sex with me, but I had told him I was experienced. So I went to my best friend to give me that experience...  
  
**Oh my god** Jess didn't know what to type. All of the sudden he was positive this was Rory, and one part of him said he should tell her, but the other part was curious to find out what her feelings were.  
  
BADBOY: and the experience was good. So what is the problem?  
  
COFFEELVR: I had sex with my boyfriend one day after I had sex with my best friend. And...well...my best friend was just better...  
  
**eat that Dean** Jess couldn't help grinning. He knew it wasn't fair to deceive her like this, but he needed to know a couple of things. And since she had been so avoidant, this might be the only way.  
  
BADBOY: sex is something you can learn. If you love your boyfriend you two can try different things and work out something that is nice for the both of you...right?  
  
COFFEELVR: right...the only problem is...I'm not so sure I love him anymore. I think I might have feelings for my best friend...  
  
**she what?!** He had wanted to hear her say this for so long, and now she finally admitted it, it was hard to believe. He hesitated for a moment, what was he to do? He couldn't go up to Rory and say "hi I was badboy from the internetchat...guess what I have feelings for you too"  
  
COFFEELVR: badboy? You still there?  
  
BADBOY: sorry, I went to the bathroom  
  
BADBOY: so you have feelings for your best friend  
  
BADBOY: why don't you tell him?  
  
COFFEELVR: I'm scared he doesn't feel the same. And I don't want to ruin our friendship.  
  
**should I tell her?**  
  
BADBOY: he has feelings for you...  
  
COFFEELVR: how do you know?  
  
BADBOY: Rory...  
  
Before he could say anything else she had dissapeared out of the chatbox. **Damn it Mariano...** He threw himself on his bed **why are you such a screw up?!**  
  
But still, somewhere in his head, the thought began to sink in. She cared for him. She had feelings for him. And he couldn't help grinning. 


	3. Connecting Again

A/N: thanks for all the sweet reviews, and if you have suggestions, please keep telling me! And a special thanks to coffeechick87 for helping me on my way!  
  
I've seen you, I know you  
  
But I don't know  
  
How to connect, so I disconnect  
  
(The Cardigans, Communication)  
  
BADBOY: so you have feelings for your best friend  
  
BADBOY: why don't you tell him?  
  
COFFEELVR: I'm scared he doesn't feel the same. And I don't want to ruin our friendship.  
  
BADBOY: he has feelings for you...  
  
COFFEELVR: how do you know?  
  
BADBOY: Rory...  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
Rory? how the hell... oh, crap...Jess. I hurriedly signed out. I can't believe that the stranger I was confessing my secret to actually turned out to be Jess. Oh god! I've just told Jess that I had feelings for him! Oh crap! Crap crap crap! I shut off my computer and fell down on my bed. What was I supposed to do now?  
  
It was supposed to be really simple. I loved Dean, I had sex with Jess, and my perfect life with Dean could continue. Why hadn't I thought this through longer? Why had I thought this would be the perfect solution? I should have known this wouldn't turn out the way I wanted it to. It never did.  
  
Different people I've found.  
  
Some of them got closer then others  
  
Some wouldn't even bother and then you came around  
  
Suddenly it began to sink in. I didn't just tell Jess I had feelings for him, he had feelings for me too! I suppressed the urge to dance around on my bed. This wasn't good! This was so bad! I couldn't be with Jess! He was my friend, my best friend, and my mom...my grandmother...the town...what would they all say? Me and Dean, that's what they got used to. We were the perfect couple, every little fight we would make up with a kiss that made the whole town go 'ahwww'. Well they definitely wouldn't go 'ahwww' over this. They would go 'yuck' or 'iehhw' or something in that direction.  
  
And Dean...oh my god, Dean! How was I supposed to explain this to him? He would turn everything around on me. I wouldn't be Rory who slept with someone else to make him happy, I would be Rory, cheating girlfriend. But wasn't that exactly what I was? I mean...come on...sleeping with another guy to make your boyfriend happy? How insane is that?  
  
I had to make a decision. And it wasn't going to be hard. I couldn't be with Jess...he wasn't good for me. My heart tried to reason otherwise but I didn't want to listen to it. I should be with Dean. He was good for me. He loved me. Jess was the bad boy from New York, who had tons of girls. Why would I be different?  
  
OK...I knew that I was, but it just couldn't happen. I didn't want to admit it, not even to myself, but I was scared as hell. With Dean I knew what I could expect, with him everything was sweet and gentle and predictable. I was in control. Jess...Jess just made me lose control, and that feeling wasn't one I really liked. I didn't want to end up like my mother...so the decision was made. Dean it was.  
  
Well this is an invitation  
  
It's not a threat  
  
If you want communication  
  
That's what you get  
  
I'm talking and talking  
  
But I don't know  
  
How to connect  
  
So I disconnect  
  
I went back online to see if Jess was still there.  
  
COFFEELVR: Jess...we have to talk  
  
My heart did a little backflip and my palms were all sweaty. Oh I needed coffee right now. I couldn't do this. My finger was already touching the off-button on the computer when he responded.  
  
BADBOY: I'm sorry for not telling you it was me  
  
BADBOY: but I'm not sorry for talking to you  
  
BADBOY: you have been avoiding me ever since this happened  
  
BADBOY: Rory? Please say something!  
  
I could almost vision him sitting behind his computer. Scared, nervous, trying to act tough. But I knew what was going on behind that surface. I knew I was the only person he had opened up to. And suddenly I didn't know how to tell him anymore. I couldn't hurt him, risking to lose him. The world deserved to see this Jess. If only I could make other people see that side. Maybe then...  
  
COFFEELVR: I'm sorry I dissapeared. I was just confused  
  
COFFEELVR: look Jess...I'm sorry for saying that stuff to you  
  
COFFEELVR: if I had known it was you...I mean...  
  
BADBOY: if you want to take it back...  
  
COFFEELVR: that's just it...I don't know. I'm so confused right now...  
  
COFFEELVR: and I'm scared to lose your friendship...  
  
BADBOY: I bet you really crave for coffee now, huh?  
  
I smiled despite the circumstances. He knew exactly what I was feeling. And that was part of why I freaked out too...he knew me better than anybody else. He knew every thought and dream I've ever had. And I felt vulnerable. Naked and exposed to his eyes. But I also knew he would never take advantage of that.  
  
COFFEELVR: oh yes...  
  
BADBOY: I'll be right over ;)  
  
And with that he went offline. 


	4. Talking

A/N: what do you think of the songs in the chapters? Are they good or would the story be better without?  
  
A/N again thank you for the reviews! Keep them coming!!!And Jayde, feel free to help me anytime. Lol. Have fun reading the next chapter!!!  
  
A/N: ow yeah this one goes out to one of my friends, who's almost always the first to read and like my stories :P Wiezy thank you!!!  
  
People ask if I'm in love with you  
  
Cause I'm sitting here with your picture  
  
And smiling to myself.  
  
I'm kinda lost in my own thoughts of you  
  
My heart speaks before my mind thinks through  
  
And I blush as I say yes  
  
(Christina Aguilera - Loving me for me)  
  
Oh no! He's coming over. I wasn't ready to face Jess yet. I didn't even know what I wanted. And I looked terrible. One quick look at the clock learned me that I had about five minutes before he would be here. I grabbed my favourite sweater and tried to pull it over my head while brushing my teeth. Note to self: not a good idea. I threw the sweater in the washingmachine and took another one out of my closet. Too soon the bell rang, and I ran down the stairs, still trying to button up my pants. I was already shouting "Hey J..." when I realized this wasn't Jess. It was...  
  
"Dean" I quickly put a smile on my face. "What are you doing here? Did we have a date?" The smile he had had upon his face dissapeared. "Can't I just come around without us having a date?"  
  
No. Not now. Not when Jess could show up any second. "Course you can" I smiled again and tried to hid my nervousness. "But Lane is coming over" All of the sudden I saw Jess appear out of nowhere, and I prayed that he would notice Dean and leave. Dean noticed my stare, and followed it to the point where Jess stood. "Ah...I see...Lane..." His voice sounded hurt and he turned around to leave.  
  
But there Jess came to my rescue. "Hey Ror" He smiled at me. "Lane dropped by at the diner. She said she couldn't make it to your place tonight. Something with her mom and bibleclass..." He handed me the cup of coffee. "She bought you coffee to make it up to you" I hoped Dean would buy it, but he still had some doubts. "Why did she come to you instead of going straight to Rory?" Again Jess had an answer ready. "She knew Rory would be dissapointed, so she decided to bribe her with coffee" I couldn't help smiling. "Yes I am very bribable with coffee. Thank you for bringing it to me Jess"  
  
He obviously felt I wanted him gone, and one second his eyes showed the hurt he felt. He thought I had chosen Dean over him. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but he didn't return it this time. With a mumbled "See you around Rory" he left.  
  
Well...at least one person was happy Jess was gone. Dean put his arm around me and guided me into the livingroom. "What are you doing?" He stood in front of the television and took a video out of his pocket. "Since Lane isn't coming over, I can stay and keep you company" He put the video in the recorder and sat down on the couch.  
  
I didn't have a good reason to send him away so I just sat down next to him. "What are we watching?" He put his arm around me again and pulled me close. "Lord of the rings" I sighed inwardly. How was it possible that after more than a year of dating Dean still didn't know what I liked?  
  
After nearly four hours of boring myself to death the movie was finally over. Dean kissed me once again and told me he had to go home. He was working tomorrow, and he had an early start. I assured him it was no problem and kissed him once again before he left. I missed something in his kisses. It was not like it wasn't any good, I just missed...passion.  
  
I almost couldn't wait for him to leave, and as soon as we said our goodbyes I hurried upstairs towards my computer.  
  
COFFEELVR: Jess are you there?  
  
COFFEELVR: I'm so sorry!  
  
BADBOY: had a nice night with your boyfriend?  
  
Oh help. He was really pissed off at me. My fingers hovered above the keyboard for a while.  
  
COFFEELVR: he made me watch Lord of the Rings for the seventh time...does that say enough?  
  
BADBOY: that guy really doesn't know you does he?  
  
COFFEELVR: I swear I didn't know he was gonna show up. But well...I didn't know that about you until five minutes before you did either.  
  
BADBOY: I should have stayed at the diner?  
  
What did I have to say? I didn't know. So I decided to keep it light.  
  
COFFEELVR: no...I craved for coffee, like you said. You saved my life.  
  
BADBOY: I swear...you've got coffee flowing in your veins Gilmore  
  
COFFEELVR: you say it like it's a bad thing :P  
  
BADBOY: so...  
  
COFFEELVR: yeah...  
  
BADBOY: are you breaking up with Dean?  
  
Am I? I didn't know yet. I knew I liked Jess, but I didn't know how I felt about Dean.  
  
COFFEELVR: I don't know...things with Dean are nice and easy.  
  
BADBOY: and with me they're horrible and difficult?  
  
COFFEELVR: definitely not horrible, but yeah...they're difficult.  
  
BADBOY: why?  
  
COFFEELVR: can we talk?  
  
BADBOY: we are  
  
COFFEELVR: not like this. IRL.  
  
BADBOY: I'll bring coffee  
  
COFFEELVR: I'll keep Dean away  
  
BADBOY: see you  
  
COFFEELVR: see you 


	5. She's Choosing Dean Isn't She!

It's impossible to love you  
  
If you don't let me know what you're feeling  
  
It's impossible for me to give you what you need  
  
If you're always hidin' from me  
  
It felt like a deja-vu. Again he was walking over to Rory's house. Again a cup of coffee in his hands. Only this time Dean wouldn't be there when he arrived. He wouldn't have to make up some stupid reason as to why he was there, when inside he was screaming with hurt. Oh, for one second he had wanted to throw the truth at Deans feet. That he had slept with Rory, that she had told him Dean had been worse. And that she had feelings for him. HIM. Jess Mariano.  
  
But he didn't. He had seen the fear in her eyes and a part of him understood. Knew that she wouldn't give her pefect life up for him, a badboy from New York. So why did he even bother to show up? Was it some sick side of him that wanted to feel the pain? Hear from her that she had chosen bagboy over him?  
  
He didn't know. He just knew that he refused to give up until he heard the words coming from her lips. You could call it crazy, he called it hope. Maybe...you know. After all, who would have expected Rory to have sex with him in the first place?  
  
So his feet kept dragging him towards her house. He smiled a bit. He had already come farther than a couple of hours ago. Before he could knock she had already opened the door. "Hey" She smiled so fast he could have sworn he had just imagined it. "Hey coffeelvr" He handed her the coffee. This time her smile lingered long enough for him to notice it.  
  
"So"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"So"  
  
**This isn't leading anywhere** Jess thought. He sat down on the bed and watched her fidget with her clothes. Why where they in the bedroom again? Oh yeah...so her mom wouldn't notice. **Am I supposed to be Lane again?!**  
  
She took a sip from her coffee and sighed. "I..." She paused, took another sip and sighed again. "Yeah" God, did he long for a cigarette right now. Again the silence downed upon them, minutes of awkward staring passed. A few times he opened his mouth, as if he was going to say something, but just closed it again, thus prolonging the silence.  
  
Suddenly she put her empty coffeecup on her table. The small noise sounded hard to both of them. "This is stupid" She looked at him. "I feel so ashamed... for not knowing it was you online. I didn't want to tell you that like this."  
  
He looked up and noticed she had started fidgeting with the bracelet Dean had given her. "So pretend you didn't" She looked surprised. "Tell me now" he continued. "Tell me whatever you think I need to know"  
  
She sighed again and sat down next to him. "You were great" She blushed "and for a while I was angry at you cause of that. Cause Dean couldn't compare to you" She stared at the floor, unable to look him into his eyes now she felt so vulnerable. "You made me feel things...do things that I never thought I would experience. Things that Dean had never made me feel. When you kissed me..." Her voice trailed off.  
  
She had been silent for over a minute, but he didn't push her. He was scared she would crawl back into her shell, and that all that had once been would be lost. So no matter how much he wanted to know what he had done to her when he kissed her, he kept his mouth shut and waited for her to continue.  
  
"it was just perfect. It felt like I had just been kissed for the first time. Really kissed I mean" She cast a quick glance at him before looking down again. "I'm scared Jess...with Dean I was in control. And...when you and I...I just freaked out. For the first time I could imagine myself becoming like my mother. And I don't want that..."  
  
He seemed to think about that for a minute, and then nodded, to show he understood. "So" He tried to keep his voice steady. "You're staying with Dean..." 


	6. Things Don't Turn Out The Way They Shoul...

A/N: Thank you all for your reviews. And remember: more reviews = more updates! And Jewls13: I do try to improve my writing with the constructive criticism, but if you still don't like it, I can't help it.  
  
A/N: if anybody can help me with ideas just email or review! And could someone please explain how I can make my enters work on ff.net? Whenever I type something in word it appears in blockformat on ff.net and I hate that! I also would like to know how I can make something appear bold, underlined or italic. Thanks! Now...have fun reading the next chapter!  
  
~~  
  
"it was just perfect. It felt like I had just been kissed for the first time. Really kissed I mean" She cast a quick glance at him before looking down again. "I'm scared Jess...with Dean I was in control. And...when you and I...I just freaked out. For the first time I could imagine myself becoming like my mother. And I don't want that..."  
  
He seemed to think about that for a minute, and then nodded, to show he understood. "So" He tried to keep his voice steady. "You're staying with Dean..."  
  
~~  
  
He was already halfway to the door when she stopped him.  
  
"Jess...no. That is not what I meant..."  
  
"Then what do you mean?"  
  
She didn't really know the answer to that and took a step towards him. "I'm not staying with Dean. It's not fair. I don't love him..."  
  
He almost couldn't believe his ears. She was dumping Dean. For him! Right? This meant she was his, right?  
  
"And...you, me? Us?"  
  
She shrugged. "I don't know yet. I need some time. I don't want to end up in a relationship with you, and end up doing things that I regret."  
  
She saw the hurt look on his face and sighed. "I didn't mean it like that...it's just..."  
  
"I understand"  
  
"You do?" She didn't seem too sure about it.  
  
"Yeah" He nodded and smiled.  
  
"And you're not mad?"  
  
He shook his head and gave her a quick kiss. "I know you're scared of ending up like your mom, and I know I can try to convince you it won't happen but you just won't believe me. So I won't bother. You need time to sort things out...well I'm not going anywhere."  
  
She kissed him. A short, light kiss that turned out a lot more passionate then either of them had planned. When it ended, he was backed up against the door, panting slightly. Her kisses were intoxicating. Tasting her, exploring her mouth with his tongue, he quickly became addicted to her taste. He wanted to kiss her again...and again and again, until they were both breathless and sweaty. And then he wanted to push her down on the bed. Show her just how much he wanted her.  
  
**whoahhh stop right there Mariano...the girl just told you that she was afraid of you going too fast and now you're thinking of having sex with her**  
  
Jess opened the door and stepped upon the porch. He smiled a little. "Take all the time you need. And if you need me, as a friend, just call."  
  
She hugged him and held him tight. "I will. Thanks for understanding Jess"  
  
~~  
  
"Hi Taylor. Is Dean here?"  
  
Taylor nodded. "He is in the back. But he is working, so don't steal too much of his time!"  
  
Rory smiled and walked into the back. This was gonna be hard. She didn't want to break up with him when he was working, but she knew that if she didn't do it now, she probably would end up not doing it at all. And that wasn't fair to Jess.  
  
"Rory. Hey!" Dean gave her a kiss, but Rory turned her head so he kissed her cheek instead of her mouth. He frowned and looked at her.  
  
"Is there something wrong?"  
  
"Dean..." She took a deep breath "we have to talk..."  
  
"Here? Now?"  
  
"Yeah..." She sat down on a pile of boxes and looked up at him. "Dean...I'm really sorry, but I don't love you anymore."  
  
His jaw tightened. "It's Jess isn't it?"  
  
She wanted to be friends with him, and decided to be honest. He had always treated her right, apart from his jealousy, and she hoped he could forgive her if she was honest.  
  
"Yes. I've fallen in love with him"  
  
"I knew it! I knew his whole friendthing was just an act! That guy is no good Rory! He will just sleep with you and dump you like trash in the morning."  
  
"No he won't!"  
  
"How do you know?!"  
  
"Because I've already slept with him!" She didn't mean to say it, but it came out in the heat of the argument. As soon as she saw his face she regretted saying it.  
  
He threw down his apron and walked out of Doose's. She ran after him, Taylor following her. He was shouting something, but neither of them paid attention. Dean just ran over to the diner, and stormed inside.  
  
"Where is he?! Where is that guy?"  
  
Luke tried to calm Dean, but he wouldn't listen. He grabbed the hem of Luke's shirt and looked as if he was going to punch him. "Where is he?!"  
  
"Are you looking for me?" Jess leaned against the counter, looking relaxed. He knew he could take Dean on if he had to. He knew Dean knew that too. So he didn't expect there to be a fight.  
  
Without a warning Dean attacked him. His first punch surprised Jess, and he stumbled over his own feet. A napkin lying on the ground did the rest of the job. Jess slipped and his head hit the counter. He fell down on the ground and blood formed a pool around his head. His eyes were closed, his face pale, and he didn't move. 


	7. There's A Lot To Talk About

~~  
  
"Dean...I'm really sorry, but I don't love you anymore."  
  
"It's Jess isn't it?"  
  
"Yes. I've fallen in love with him"  
  
"I knew it! I knew his whole friendthing was just an act! That guy is no good Rory! He will just sleep with you and dump you like trash in the morning."  
  
"No he won't!"  
  
"How do you know?!"  
  
"Because I've already slept with him!" She didn't mean to say it, but it came out in the heat of the argument. As soon as she saw his face she regretted saying it.  
  
He threw down his apron and walked out of Doose's. She ran after him, Taylor following her. He was shouting something, but neither of them paid attention. Dean just ran over to the diner, and stormed inside.  
  
"Where is he?! Where is that guy?"  
  
Luke tried to calm Dean, but he wouldn't listen. He grabbed the hem of Luke's shirt and looked as if he was going to punch him. "Where is he?!"  
  
"Are you looking for me?" Jess leaned against the counter, looking relaxed. He knew he could take Dean on if he had to. He knew Dean knew that too. So he didn't expect there to be a fight.  
  
Without a warning Dean attacked him. His first punch surprised Jess, and he stumbled over his own feet. A napkin lying on the ground did the rest of the job. Jess slipped and his head hit the counter. He fell down on the ground and blood formed a pool around his head. His eyes were closed, his face pale, and he didn't move.  
  
~~  
  
"Jess!" Rory knelt down beside him. He didn't reply, and his face was still pale. His breathing was shallow, and he was obviously still unconscious. Lorelai, who had been in the diner when everything happened, walked up to Rory and gently pulled her away from Jess.  
  
"Come on sweets, I need you to be strong now. Jess needs you to be strong" Although Lorelai wasn't really fond of Jess, this being the understatement of the year, but she knew Rory had developed a liking for the boy. She cast a quick glance at Luke, who was obviously in shock. "Can you call 911 for me babe?"  
  
Rory nodded and got up. Lorelai started ordering people around and when Rory returned from the telephone the diner was almost empty. Luke was busy making coffee and Lorelai was quietly talking to Dean.  
  
Dean. Just seeing him made her angry. How could he have done something like this? And suddenly the guilt started gnawing at her. If she hadn't told him what happened between them he would never have hit Jess. This was all her fault!  
  
A little while later the ambulance had arrived and taken Jess to the hospital. Lorelai had driven Luke to the hospital after an argument with Rory. She understood that Rory really wanted to be with Jess, but somebody needed to stay at the diner to take care of everything. So Lorelai promised Rory she would pick her up as soon as possible.  
  
So there she was. All alone in the diner. All alone? No, one person was still sitting at a table, looking dazed. She really didn't want to talk to him, but a part of her would have settled for anybody right now. She needed to talk, for someone to comfort her, to tell her everything would be alright. So she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down opposite to him.  
  
He didn't dare to face her, his face was almost as pale as Jess's had been. "Dean" It came out softly, and he looked up at her for the first time. She was surprised to see tears in his eyes.  
  
"I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to put him into the hospital."  
  
She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.  
  
"I am so sorry Rory...I just went crazy when you told me. But I never meant to hurt him like that."  
  
She looked up at him again, with tears stinging in her eyes. This was all her fault.  
  
"I'm sorry Dean. I never meant to cheat on you."  
  
Was that even true? She knew what she had been doing before it happened. You could even say she had planned it. But she had never meant to hurt either one of them.  
  
His eyes had turned cold again. "Why did you? Cheat on me that is..."  
  
She didn't know if she should tell him the truth. After all, the truth had put Jess in the hospital. She decided to twist the truth a bit to prevent things from escalating. "We were studying in his room. And then it just happened..."  
  
"I knew it!" He shook his head in loathing for the dinerboy. "I knew he wanted to get you in bed. I knew he would try"  
  
She put her empty coffeecup on the table. "You're missing the point Dean. I let him."  
  
"Ofcourse you did. That guy is a player. He knows how to get girls in bed."  
  
She sighed. She was too tired and too worried about Jess to fight anymore, so she just let it slip.  
  
"I'm scared Dean" She kept fighting down her tears. "He looked so pale and there was so much blood..."  
  
Suddenly he was holding her, soothing her just like she needed to be soothed. Her tears soaked his shirt as soon as her head came to rest at his chest. His strong hands carressed her back in a comforting manner.  
  
A while later her cellphone rang and Rory reluctantly pulled out of his hug. Her hair was all messy and Dean tucked a strand of it behind her ear. She smiled a bit before pushing the 'talk' button on her phone.  
  
"Rory?" Her mother sounded calm, and the tone of it relieved Rory a bit. She knew her mothers voice couldn't sound like this when something was wrong. "everything is okay hun. They've put a few stitches in his head, and he might have a concussion, so the doctors want to keep him in for the night."  
  
"Mom?"  
  
"Yeah sweets?"  
  
"Can I come and see him?"  
  
"I'm on my way babe. See you in a bit"  
  
Rory put the cellphone back in her pocket and resisted the urge to dance and sing. Dean saw the look on her face and let out the breath he had been holding. He was happy Jess wasn't badly injured, but the way Rory reacted saddened him. It was so obvious she felt for this guy that he wondered why he hadn't seen it before. Maybe he had just not wanted to see it. He loved her, and he had fooled himself into thinking she loved him back. But she didn't, and he lost her 'cause of that. And he knew he wasn't going to get her back.  
  
Dean put on his jacket and pulled Rory in for a hug. His lips lightly brushed hers as he tucked another strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
"I'm so sorry Rory" She could see in his eyes that he was telling the truth. "I hope we can become friends"  
  
She smiled a bit as he left. He still thought Jess had seduced her, but at least he wasn't going to jurt Jess even more.  
  
"Mini-me!" Lorelai stepped into the diner. Rory ran up to her mother and gave her a big hug.  
  
"I'm so glad he is okay"  
  
Lorelai hugged her daughter back. She had to admit she hadn't been worried about Jess so much, but more about something Dean had said when they talked. She knew something had happened between Jess and Rory, and she hoped it wasn't what she thought it was. She knew her daughter wasn't her little baby anymore and the thought made her eyes sting and hug Rory even tighter.  
  
"Let's go see Jess" Rory's voice sounded eager, and Lorelai's heart broke a little more. She was sure Rory had feelings for Jess, and she didn't like it one bit.  
  
"Yeah. Come on sweets. He is waiting for you"  
  
~~  
  
"Jess!" She ran into the hospitalroom and had to stop herself from hugging him. She didn't want to cause him any more pain.  
  
"Hey Ror" he smiled and winced with pain. A little cut in the corner of his mouth started bleeding again.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah...what was his deal?" He tried to frown but moaned with pain again. Silently he cursed the guy who was responsible for this.  
  
"We broke up...and I kinda...told him we slept together" She blushed and looked down at her hands.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause he said you would just want me for sex and dump me right after...but he still believes that...cause I kinda didn't tell him that I went to you...I just said it was an accident."  
  
That hurt. An accident. Was that all it was? Something she wanted to forget? Something that never should have happened?  
  
"I'm sorry he broke up with you"  
  
"I broke up with him" She hesitated "and I don't regret it. Jess...I..." The words `I love you` were already on the tip of her tongue when Lorelai stormed in.  
  
"Coffee!"  
  
Rory sighed, for once not happy about the coffee. It ruined the moment, and she couldn't summon up the courage to say it again. So she let it slide, pretended not to see the hurt look on his face when she left. She knew she would have to tell him soon, if she didn't want to lose him, but right now, it was just too hard. 


	8. Going Up And Coming Down

~~  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah...what was his deal?" He tried to frown but moaned with pain again. Silently he cursed the guy who was responsible for this.  
  
"We broke up...and I kinda...told him we slept together" She blushed and looked down at her hands.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause he said you would just want me for sex and dump me right after...but he still believes that...cause I kinda didn't tell him that I went to you...I just said it was an accident."  
  
That hurt. An accident. Was that all it was? Something she wanted to forget? Something that never should have happened?  
  
"I'm sorry he broke up with you"  
  
"I broke up with him" She hesitated "and I don't regret it. Jess...I..." The words `I love you` were already on the tip of her tongue when Lorelai stormed in.  
  
"Coffee!"  
  
Rory sighed, for once not happy about the coffee. It ruined the moment, and she couldn't summon up the courage to say it again. So she let it slide, pretended not to see the hurt look on his face when she left. She knew she would have to tell him soon, if she didn't want to lose him, but right now, it was just too hard.  
  
~~  
  
For a second Jess thought Rory was about to say she loved him. But then her mother came in and spoiled the mood. He silently cursed Lorelai for driving Rory back in her shell. Now he would never know what she was going to say. She was too shy to repeat it, and left quietly after a while.  
  
He kept staring at the ceiling, following the little cracks in the white plaster and comparing them to his situation. Rory was the white plaster, perfect, untouched. And he...he was the crack that ruined that perfection. He knew he couldn't stop loving her, but he also knew the chance he would fuck her up was big. He had seen things, done things, that he never wanted her to know about. Things that would take away the pure and naive way she looked at the world. Sometimes he wished he could just get up and leave. It would break her heart, but it would be better than how their relationshipwould end, if they really got involved. No matter how he looked at it, he was gonna ruin her anyway.  
  
After a long night of thinking, tossing and turning he woke up feeling tired and restless. He still didn't know what to do. He wanted her, he wanted to be with her, but he didn't want to ruin that perfection that she had. And to him that just seemed inevitable.  
  
The doctor came in and examined his reactions, helped him up and asked him how he felt. After a little while he left and returned only a few minutes after.  
  
"You can go home mister Mariano, but I must ask you to take it easy for a while"  
  
Jess nodded, something that made his head burst into flames, or so it felt to him. Slowly he put on his shoes and jacket, and waited for Luke to pick him up.  
  
~~  
  
"Rory"  
  
"Jess"  
  
An awkward silence dawned upon them.  
  
"So..."  
  
"Coffee please. And donuts"  
  
OK...not what he had expected. He thought she would talk to him, but instead she just treated him like the dinerboy. And he wasn't even working. For the first time Luke wouldn't let him. Yet he nodded and brought her coffee. She probably would be nervous, scared even. He would have to give her time.  
  
He smiled a little smile and dissapeared upstairs. After going through his CD's and putting on his favourite one, he lay on his bed and listened to the music taking over his thoughts.  
  
~~  
  
"Jess"  
  
He was startled, and got up quickly. Too quickly, cause all of the sudden the whole room seemed to spin and he fell back down on his pillow.  
  
"Are you okay?" Her voice was soft and a little bit worried. She sat down on his bed and examined his head. Her soft hands went through his hair, driving him crazy along the way.  
  
"Rory" It was nothing more than a sigh, but she understood his need, his want. She smiled and bent down to kiss him.  
  
The kiss started out slowly, but grew more intense along the way. When they finally broke apart it was only to catch their breath. After a few quick inhalations they attacked eachothers mouths once again, hungry with passion.  
  
Jess wanted to feel her, wanted to touch her all over her perfect body. But she was in control. She had straddled him and was doing things to his neck he only dreamt about before. Yeah...he had had a lot of experience, but he had never felt something this fucking good. Maybe it had something to do with the feelings he had for this girl, the love he was too scared to admit he felt.  
  
His shirt had been shed on the floor, and her top and bra had followed quickly. He lifted up his head to nuzzle her neck before torturing her slowly, making his way down to her breasts. She moaned and held him in place while her hands kept running down his back. He felt shivers all over his body when her nails slid down his neck.  
  
"Jess" She whispered his name over and over again, wriggling under him so he would keep touching her. He happily obliged, carressing her slender body with his strong soft hands. All along he kept licking, sucking and kissing her breasts, paying fair attention to each.  
  
She opened up his jeans and slipped her hand into his boxers, causing him to moan with pleasure. This was torture. Delicious fucking torture. Again she had him on his back, holding down his hands with her knees, so he could only wait and enjoy the wonderful things she was doing to him. He knew she was paying him back for their first time, when he had been patient and teaching her all she needed to know. And oh god...she was good. Really good. Earthshattering mindtrembling good. So good he wanted nothing more than to touch her. Show her just how much he wanted her right now.  
  
But she didn't let him. She kept holding him down, wanting to be the one in control. When she finally let him go, it was only to remove the rest of their clothing. He tried to kiss her, tried to gain control but she held him back. And instinctively he knew why. She had told him about her fear of losing control around him. And he guessed this was just something that she had to do. So he held back, despite his urges to push her down and take her. He wanted to show her she could be herself around him, that she didn't have to be scared. But, truth be told, he was a bit scared himself. He was falling, hard and fast. And somehow he knew he couldn't crawl back up again. But he didn't know if he even wanted to. Falling was good, as long as it was with her.  
  
She kissed him once more, a nagging slow kiss. After that kiss she let him go and took a condom out of his drawer.  
  
**how the fuck does she know I'm keeping them there?!** He didn't really get time to think about that question, because she kept kissing and touching him while slowly putting on the condom and leading him inside of her.  
  
Oh god. Oh freaking god. This was even better than the last time. She was on top of him, riding him for all he was worth and it was so hard to hold back. So hard not to let go and come deep inside of her, crying out her name. But he wanted her to come first, so he struggled and fought his orgasm down. His hands found her most sensitive spot and started pushing her over the edge. Only after her last waves had faded, he surrendered himself and came, letting out a low moan.  
  
~~  
  
He woke up, his throat dry and his whole body covered in sweat. For a moment he didn't know what happened, and then he realized...  
  
**It was just a dream**  
  
A/N: hope you liked this chapter...just wanted to put some nookie in...but I didn't really know how to put that in at this point in the story, so I made it a dream...but don't worry. There will be plenty of Literati stuff in the future chapters! 


	9. An Unexpected Turn

A/N: the song is called "Waterfalls" by TLC  
  
A/N: More reviews = more updates! And I'm sorry if this sucks! I was struggling a bit with the way I wanted this to go...if you want to help, feel free to review or send an email!  
  
A/N: Have fun reading this chapter and don't forget to review! I love reviews! I need reviews!!!  
  
"Sweets?"  
  
"Yeah mom?"  
  
"Can we do the talking thing now?"  
  
For over a week now Rory had been avoiding any comment Lorelai tried to make about Jess. She wasn't sure what her mother knew, and she wasn't ready to talk about it.  
  
"Mom..." It sounded a bit annoyed. Her mom had been asking her the same question over and over again for hours now.  
  
"Ohhkayyy..." Lorelai put on her coat. "I'm gonna be at Luke's if you need me"  
  
~~  
  
Truth be told, she was scared. Scared that her mother wouldn't let her near Jess anymore if she found out. She knew her mother would follow her around, telling her she would end up the same. And she was scared that Lorelai was right. So she avoided `the talk` and she avoided Jess.  
  
~~  
  
The letters kept dancing in front of her eyes. She couldn't concentrate. Every time two people in the story kissed she kept reading herself and Jess into it. In her mind, they had been making out everywhere, not only the places the characters in the book visited, but also her bed...his bed...the bridge...the front porch...  
  
**Okay Gilmore get yourself together for once! No more scenes of making out with Jess in weird places...in fact...no more scenes of Jess at all...**  
  
She tried to focus on her book, but after a few minutes had to admit defeat. Her mind kept wandering. Jess. Bed. Jess in bed. She knew she had to talk to him, but she wasn't ready to face him in person yet. And she knew that talking over the phone would just make it worse.  
  
~~  
  
Sitting in front of her computer she could smack herself. Why hadn't she thought of this before? They had talked online lots of times, when she couldn't face him after their first night together. She just hoped he wouldn't be mad at her. It had been over fourteen days since he got out of the hospital, and they hadn't talked once.  
  
COFFEELVR: Jess?  
  
She could see he was online, but he didn't reply. She had already been waiting for over ten minutes and was about to sign out when the instant message screen started blinking.  
  
BADBOY: Yeah?  
  
How to continue? Her fingers hovered a bit above her keyboard.  
  
COFFEELVR: are you mad at me?  
  
COFFEELVR: I'm sorry we didn't talk for so long...but I had to figure some stuff out...  
  
COFFEELVR: Jess...  
  
She was about to type those three words when she got a reply she hadn't expected.  
  
BADBOY: who are you?!  
  
COFFEELVR: Jess?  
  
BADBOY: No. It's Shane.  
  
COFFEELVR: But this is Jess's account you're on...  
  
BADBOY: yeah so?  
  
BADBOY: what do you want with my boyfriend anyway?  
  
Boyfriend?! Rory kept staring at those lines. Was it Jess playing some game or was this really true? Did he forget her this soon? She signed out and fell down on her bed. This didn't just happen. It couldn't have. Right?  
  
~~  
  
"Whatchu doing babe?" Jess wrapped his arms around the blonde girl sitting in front of his laptop.  
  
"I was just surfing the internet..."  
  
Jess could see the instant message screen that had appeared and tried to read the person Shane had been talking with, without Shane being alerted.  
  
**COFFEELVR...Ah christ...** Jess sighed inwardly **what did she say?**  
  
He had to get her out of here. He needed to find out what Rory knew. If he knew Shane a little Rory was probably lying on her bed. Crying her eyes out.  
  
But then again...why would she? She didn't care for him, not the way he wanted her to. Cause if she did she wouldn't have been avoiding him for the last two weeks. Right?  
  
But he doesn't realize he hurts her so much  
  
But all the praying just ain't helping  
  
At all 'cause he can't seem to keep  
  
Himself out of trouble  
  
Jess thought of a song he knew. For the moment the lyrics certainly applied to him.  
  
Dreams are hopeless aspirations  
  
In hopes of comin' true  
  
Believe in yourself  
  
The rest is up to me and you  
  
The problem was...he didn't know where to believe in anymore. He thought he had done the right thing, stopping his feelings for Rory and starting to date Shane. But right now it didn't feel right at all anymore. If he faced the truth, he only went out with Shane to make Rory jealous. He wanted her to feel something. If it couldn't be love, well...hate was a strong emotion too. And the line between love and hate is a thin one...  
  
Oh...who was he fooling. He screwed up. Once again Jess Mariano strikes. He managed to fuck up completely. No way was this gonna drive Rory back in his arms. If he knew her a little it was gonna drive her right back into Deans.  
  
"Baby?"  
  
Shane. He had forgotten all about her. But right now she was a distraction to his thoughts, one he surrendered himself to. Shane giggled happily when he pulled her towards him and silenced her with a thorough kiss.  
  
~~  
  
They were making out furiously on his bed. With Shane things were easy. They would hang out together, something that always led to sex. After that they would part ways...until the next time they needed a companion. He didn't have to worry about her feelings, if he was being too rough or going too fast. They would just get naked and sweaty.  
  
As he plunged himself inside her he thought about the girl who had his heart. He knew they would talk. Again. And things would end up with them being friends. Again. He was so sick and tired of just being friends.  
  
When he came he cried out her name. "Rory..." 


	10. The Annual Dance Marathon

COFFEELVR: Jess?  
  
BADBOY: No. It's Shane.  
  
COFFEELVR: But this is Jess's account you're on...  
  
BADBOY: yeah so?  
  
BADBOY: what do you want with my boyfriend anyway?  
  
Boyfriend?! Rory kept staring at those lines. Was it Jess playing some game or was this really true? Did he forget her this soon? She signed out and fell down on her bed. This didn't just happen. It couldn't have. Right?  
  
~~  
  
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling  
  
Tell me baby where did I go wrong  
  
I could put my arms around every boy I see  
  
But they'd only remind me of you  
  
(Sinead O'Connor - Nothing Compares 2 U)  
  
~~  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
I really didn't want to believe it. Shane. I've seen her a couple of times. She works at that beautystore. She is so the type Jess wouldn't fall for. Would he? Or was she like the New York girls he had dated? Maybe I was just the exception. Maybe he had realized inexperienced Rory Gilmore wasn't his thing. Maybe...we should just remain friends.  
  
Yeah...well friends...that would require talking wouldn't it? And since talking to me obviously wasn't Jess's priority right now being friends was kinda difficult. And really...if we became friends, did I want to know about the things he did with Shane? No way. I wouldn't admit it to anybody, but I was dead jealous. How could he? After he said he had feelings for me?  
  
It made me insecure. I didn't want to face the fact that maybe I just wasn't good enough. I wish I could blame all this on him but I couldn't. Part of it was my fault too. I stringed him along. I played with his feelings, still seeing Dean when I knew he cared about me. But was I totally to blame for that? Wasn't it normal to be scared? I couldn't help it.  
  
I did want to be with him though. I finally had that figured out. But obviously that was too late. He had moved on. And where did that leave me? Was I supposed to stay single until he grew tired of screwing some blonde bimbo? Or would he move on to the next flavor of the week, never looking back at me again?  
  
So...it was best to pretend I didn't care about him. Or his girl. Like it didn't tear me up inside when I saw them kissing or making out. I knew he would be. Making out. Probably in front of me. And I knew some part of me always would hope he just did that to make me jealous. But the more realistic part of me knew this was probably for the best. Me and Jess...it would never have worked out. We were too different. I mean yeah...we both liked books...and talking about books...but that was about it...  
  
~~  
  
Oh my heart can't carry much more  
  
It's really, really aching and soar  
  
My heart don't care anymore  
  
I really can't bear more  
  
My hands don't work like before  
  
I shiver and I scrape at your door  
  
My heart can't carry much more  
  
But you couldn't care less  
  
Could you  
  
Your face don't look like before  
  
It's really not like yours anymore  
  
Your eyes don't like me no more  
  
They quiver and they shift to the floor  
  
My heart don't beat like before  
  
It's never been this lone  
  
No my blood don't flow anymore  
  
And you couldn't care less  
  
Could you  
  
Could we stop and sleep for a spare  
  
We can turn this stitch into a ware  
  
And send that old devil back to hell  
  
But we don't care do we  
  
(The Cardigans - Couldn't Care Less)  
  
I tried. I behaved as normal as I could. I had expected this day to come. It was the day of the annual dancemarathon and for some reason -probably to annoy me- Jess had shown up with Shane. Since my mother had to work at the inn I had asked Dean to be my dancepartner. We were getting along fairly well, and we actually enjoyed ourselves until Jess decided to dance as close to us as he could.  
  
"Well Rory...fancy seeing you here" Jess's eyes were cold as stone and he kissed Shane passionately.  
  
I remembered thinking when things had started to get this bad. I never meant to hurt him... I know I could have done some things differently, but when was I supposed to say those words to him? Okay...so I could have visited him after he got out of the hospital...but I thought he understood that I need time...  
  
"Rory? Are you okay?" Deans eyes searched my face, looking for a reason to hurt Jess. He was really concerned about me, and my heart skipped a beat. This guy cared about me. Unlike Jess he really cared. And he wasn't afraid to show it.  
  
Dean leaned over and slowly captured my lips with a soft and gentle kiss. When I didn't join him in the kiss he slowly drew back and looked at me.  
  
"I'm sorry" His eyes pleaded with me, silently asking me not to be angry with him.  
  
"I thought you wanted it"  
  
I looked up at him and casted a quick glance at Jess, who was still making out with Shane. His hands were up under her shirt and his mouth claimed her lips time and time again.  
  
"I did...I do. I missed you Dean"  
  
It was true. Well...partly. I had missed him. But what I had really missed was the company, someone to hold and cuddle with. I hadn't actually missed HIM. Yet he was here, holding me in his arms, begging me to give him a second chance. So I did.  
  
For a little moment I felt guilty putting Dean in as a pawn in my game. But reason had abandoned my mind for the time being. I wanted to get back at Jess, show him that if he wanted to hurt me, I could hurt him back. And...in case he didn't care, I wanted to show him that neither did I.  
  
A/N: Sorry if this story isn't going the way you want it to go. I swear I didn't know it was going to be like this (ok maybe just a little) but I promise you this will be a Literati. Eventually. So...now go and review! I know you want to! 


	11. Regrets

A/N: Sorry sorry sorry!!! I know most of you didn't like the turn the story made, but the point it...I really don't know where to go with this story when Rory and Jess finally get together. In my head that was kinda the finale, cause I totally suck at writing stuff that involves them being happy and together. But since you don't like them being apart I'm just gonna try to write them together as soon as possible...so if the chapters suck I'm sorry. In case you haven't already gotten that point: I'm kinda insecure about my writing...and I want to keep people happy :P So I hope you're happy with the next chapter...  
  
~~  
  
Dean leaned over and slowly captured my lips with a soft and gentle kiss. When I didn't join him in the kiss he slowly drew back and looked at me.  
  
"I'm sorry" His eyes pleaded with me, silently asking me not to be angry with him.  
  
"I thought you wanted it"  
  
I looked up at him and casted a quick glance at Jess, who was still making out with Shane. His hands were up under her shirt and his mouth claimed her lips time and time again.  
  
"I did...I do. I missed you Dean"  
  
It was true. Well...partly. I had missed him. But what I had really missed was the company, someone to hold and cuddle with. I hadn't actually missed HIM. Yet he was here, holding me in his arms, begging me to give him a second chance. So I did.  
  
For a little moment I felt guilty putting Dean in as a pawn in my game. But reason had abandoned my mind for the time being. I wanted to get back at Jess, show him that if he wanted to hurt me, I could hurt him back. And...in case he didn't care, I wanted to show him that neither did I.  
  
~~  
  
"You didn't!" Lane shrieked.  
  
"I did" I felt miserable. When Dean decided to kiss me it felt like the perfect way of getting back at Jess. But right now I just felt like I screwed everything up. So what if Jess had a girlfriend? So what if he moved on...it was no excuse for me to use Dean like I did. When I looked at my behaviour of the past weeks I didn't recognize myself. I wasn't that girl. I was a sweet and good girl, not one who used her ex to make some guy jealous.  
  
"So...what are you gonna do about it?"  
  
"I don't know" I sighed and rested my head in my hands. "I screwed up Lane. What's Dean gonna think when I break up with him all of the sudden?"  
  
"Probably that you just used him to get back at Jess."  
  
I laughed, a bitter laugh. "That's not helping Lane..."  
  
"I'm sorry...but Dean isn't stupid...he will know..."  
  
Lane sighed. "You know how I've always said I wanted your life...well right now I'm not complaining about having my boring life..."  
  
"I have to talk to Jess"  
  
Lane nodded. "I think that would be a good idea. Maybe he's just doing that Shane-girl to get back at you..."  
  
I shrugged. Did it matter? I was so heartbroken and confused that right now all I wanted was to tell him how I felt...get it over with...close the chapter, that kinda thing.  
  
~~  
  
So...how to tell him? I guessed he wasn't really in the mood for a face-to- face conversation. Maybe I should just write him an email. But what if Shane would read it? I didn't want them to fight just cause I couldn't keep my stupid mouth shut.  
  
Dear Jess,  
  
I hope you haven't already deleted this mail when you saw it was  
coming from me. Well...course if you're reading this you haven't...but  
well...yeah.  
  
The thing is, I wanted to apologize to you. I know we were friends,  
but the past weeks I've definitely not treated you as a friend. The  
truth is, I don't want us to be friends.  
  
How was I supposed to continue? Should I tell him I loved him? Maybe I should just start explaining why I hadn't spoken to him once since he got out of the hospital. But the truth was...I didn't really know. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.  
  
I'm sorry I avoided you when you got out of the hospital. I don't  
really know why I didn't contact you, I guess I was just scared. You  
see...when I visited you, I almost said something. But then my mom  
came in and spoiled the moment, and I couldn't summon up the courage  
to say it again. And somehow I just felt like you didn't feel the  
same.  
  
Ahh...I suck at writing things like this. I just start rambling and  
lose my point. So...I guess I'm just gonna say it and leave all the  
talking to a later time. If you ever wanna talk to me after this whole  
thing again that is.  
  
I love you.  
  
I didn't know if I had to write anything else. Everything I would add would just take away the powerful meaning of those three words. Ofcourse...I could tell him why I went back to Dean...that I had to break up with him again if there was a chance for him and me...I could tell him how much it hurt to see him making out with Shane...but I feared things like that would take his mind of the fact what was really happening here. I loved him. I LOVED him. I loved HIM.  
  
So I pressed the SEND-button and prayed Shane wouldn't be the one to read the message. My hands were shaky and covered in sweat. But I knew I did the right thing. I had been screwing things up. I had done things I'd never imagined myself doing, and I had to make this right again. And I was going to. Ofcourse...I couldn't undo everything I did, but I could try to fix the hurt that I've caused the people around me.  
  
Starting with Dean. I know this would probably add a bit to the hurt- factor, but I needed to explain things to him. I needed him to know I didn't mean to use him, and that I hoped we could be friends.  
  
~~  
  
Haha friends. Can I just laugh? Where did my head get this insane idea we could be friends? He totally hates me now! The only thing that kept him from hitting Jess was the fact that last time it ended with Jess being in the hospital. That...and the fact that he was barred from the diner.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
When I arrived at his house he was in his room watching a video. He was happily surprised I was there and tried to hug and kiss me and wanted me to watch the movie together. As soon as I said the familiar words "we need to talk" his face saddened and he stopped the video.  
  
"I knew it..." He stood up and moved away from me, as if I were on fire and he was afraid to burn himself.  
  
"I knew it...how could I have been this stupid...just say it...you just used me..."  
  
I was silent for a while. I didn't know how to explain everything. As soon as I tried to he cut me short.  
  
"Don't...I don't wanna hear how fabulous he is. I'm done being your toyboy Rory Gilmore..."  
  
"Dean...I'm sorry..."  
  
"Too late..."  
  
I stood up, tears stinging in my eyes. "I guess this means we can't be friends either..."  
  
A sad smile appeared on his face. "Rory Gilmore...always the smart one..."  
  
I nodded. "So...I think...I should go now..."  
  
Secretly I hoped for him to turn around and tell me we would be able to become friends in a while...when things didn't hurt so much anymore. I wanted him to tell me I wasn't this awful person I felt to be.  
  
"You know the way to the door"  
  
I took that as my cue to leave and made my way downstairs, trying to hold back the tears that were already staining my shirt. 


	12. Decisions

A/N: Don't start reading the chapter just yet! Read this first! There are some people who don't really understand why I put Shane and Dean back into this fic. Let me explain: Rory was scared to admit she had feelings for Jess, she still didn't know if she wanted to be with him, because he made her lose control. It was only after he started dating Shane that she realized just how much she loved him. And Jess...Jess didn't want to screw Rory up, so he thought it would be a good idea to create some distance between them. That's why he started dating Shane. When he saw the effect it had on Rory, and when he saw her getting back with Dean he realized that this wasn't the solution either...what he's going to do now? Just read! And review :P  
  
~~  
  
When I arrived at his house he was in his room watching a video. He was happily surprised I was there and tried to hug and kiss me and wanted me to watch the movie together. As soon as I said the familiar words "we need to talk" his face saddened and he stopped the video.  
  
"I knew it..." He stood up and moved away from me, as if I were on fire and he was afraid to burn himself.  
  
"I knew it...how could I have been this stupid...just say it...you just used me..."  
  
I was silent for a while. I didn't know how to explain everything. As soon as I tried to he cut me short.  
  
"Don't...I don't wanna hear how fabulous he is. I'm done being your toyboy Rory Gilmore..."  
  
"Dean...I'm sorry..."  
  
"Too late..."  
  
I stood up, tears stinging in my eyes. "I guess this means we can't be friends either..."  
  
A sad smile appeared on his face. "Rory Gilmore...always the smart one..."  
  
I nodded. "So...I think...I should go now..."  
  
Secretly I hoped for him to turn around and tell me we would be able to become friends in a while...when things didn't hurt so much anymore. I wanted him to tell me I wasn't this awful person I felt to be.  
  
"You know the way to the door"  
  
I took that as my cue to leave and made my way downstairs, trying to hold back the tears that were already staining my shirt.  
  
~~  
  
Did I want to read this? I opened my mailbox and saw a mail from Rory. I didn't know. I was scared I wasn't gonna read the things I wanted to read. But ofcourse I would rather bite my tongue then tell anybody that.  
  
**okay Mariano...whatever is in that mail...you can handle it**  
  
I took a deep breath and opened the mail.  
  
Dear Jess,  
  
I hope you haven't already deleted this mail when you saw it was  
  
coming from me. Well...course if you're reading this you haven't...but  
  
well...yeah.  
  
I had to smile a bit despite the circumstances. This was so...Rory. I was anxious to find out why she emailed me after this long time. Probably to tell me she was back with Dean...and that she wanted us to be friends...  
  
The thing is, I wanted to apologize to you. I know we were friends,  
  
but the past weeks I've definitely not treated you as a friend. The  
  
truth is, I don't want us to be friends.  
  
OK...guess not. She doesn't want us to be friends. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. If she didn't want us to be friends what did she want? Did she want to be more? Or less? I hoped her next lines would explain that.  
  
I'm sorry I avoided you when you got out of the hospital. I don't  
  
really know why I didn't contact you, I guess I was just scared. You  
  
see...when I visited you, I almost said something. But then my mom  
  
came in and spoiled the moment, and I couldn't summon up the courage  
  
to say it again. And somehow I just felt like you didn't feel the  
  
same.  
  
What had she wanted to tell me? I know what I hoped she wanted to tell me...My mind wandered back to that day.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
"Jess!" She ran into the hospitalroom and stopped right in front of my bed. For a second it seemed like she was going to hug me but she didn't. Maybe she didn't want to cause me any more pain.  
  
"Hey Ror" I smiled and winced with pain. A little cut in the corner of my mouth started bleeding again.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah...what was his deal?" I tried to frown but moaned with pain again. Silently I cursed the guy who was responsible for this.  
  
"We broke up...and I kinda...told him we slept together" She blushed the cutest blush and looked down at her hands.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Cause he said you would just want me for sex and dump me right after...but he still believes that...cause I kinda didn't tell him that I went to you...I just said it was an accident."  
  
That hurt. An accident. Was that all it was? Something she wanted to forget? Something that never should have happened?  
  
"I'm sorry he broke up with you"  
  
"I broke up with him" She hesitated "and I don't regret it. Jess...I..." She was about to say something when her mother stormed in.  
  
"Coffee!"  
  
FLASHFORWARD  
  
That was how it had happened. I had replayed that moment over and over again in my head. What was she going to say? Was it something her mother couldn't hear and if it was...was it what I hoped it would be? When she ignored me for the following weeks I started thinking about it less and less, until the whole conversation had just dissapeared from my mind.  
  
Ahh...I suck at writing things like this. I just start rambling and  
  
lose my point. So...I guess I'm just gonna say it and leave all the  
  
talking to a later time. If you ever wanna talk to me after this whole  
  
thing again that is.  
  
Did I? Want to talk to her? Part of me wanted it more than anything in the world, but I was hurt. I wasn't used to being rejected...and certainly not for someone like bagboy. She's better have something really good to say to me if I wanted to talk to her again.  
  
I love you.  
  
...............  
  
Okay...she got me speechless for a moment. Or thoughtless...whatever. I reread those three words until the letters started dancing in front of my eyes. She loved me. Guess that qualified for being something really good so I would talk to her. Wow. She really knew how to get to me.  
  
"Jess! Get your butt down here!"  
  
Geeezzz...uncle Luke you really know how to spoil my mood. I grunted something downstairs and put on my clothes. I couldn't walk in there only clad in my boxers now could I? Though it would be funny to see everybody's reaction.  
  
I toyed with this thought for a moment before putting on my shirt and heading downstairs.  
  
~~  
  
There she was. Sitting at the counter. All alone. Her Chilton uniform wasn't that revealing, but thanks to the skirt I could see her amazing legs. The legs I had imagined being wrapped around my hips on more than one occasion.  
  
**Mariano! Get yourself together man...**  
  
I was relieved Shane wasn't anywhere in sight. She was probably working, which gave me some time to talk to Rory. The only problem was...I really didn't know how to start. And I couldn't just blurt something like this out in a crowded diner.  
  
"So...nice book?"  
  
**So...nice book?! How much more like a loser could I possibly sound?!**  
  
She looked up and nodded. Something in her eyes told me she was scared and nervous. She didn't know I had read the email yet, and she wondered why I was making smalltalk if I had.  
  
"You should read it" Her voice was soft.  
  
"I have...and a lot of his other books too..."  
  
"This is the first book I've read..."  
  
I smiled. Now I had a perfect reason to get to talk to her in private.  
  
Slowly I caught her eyes and kept staring into them. "I've got some of his books upstairs...if you want to we can go through them...there are some I know you would love..."  
  
She nodded again...a little smile on her lips. She kept gazing into my eyes until I averted my stare.  
  
"Uncle Luke I'm taking a break..."  
  
Luke started grunting something but I had already dissapeared upstairs. I could hear her following me and fought hard not to look back. If she wanted to talk it was going to be on my terms.  
  
"So..." She sat down on my bed.  
  
"Don't" I pulled her back up so she was standing close to me. Her breathing sped up.  
  
For a moment she expected me to kiss her, but I just pushed her away from me. Her eyes suddenly became full of pain. She thought I was going to reject her.  
  
"You think it's that easy Rory?"  
  
I didn't even know what I was saying. Somehow words flowed out of my mouth, I was unable to control them eventhough I was hurting Rory with them.  
  
"You just say you love me and you expect me to drop everything to come running to you?! Has it ever occurred to you that not everything resolves around you?! I've been so patient...waiting for you while you decided what you wanted to do with your feelings...and then you started to ignore me and I decided to move on...did you expect me to stay and wait for you?!"  
  
Tears started to appear in Rory's eyes but I wasn't finished and tried not to look at her.  
  
"Well I didn't! And what do you expect of me now?! Why would I dump Shane for you?! How do I know you won't just walk away from me again and go straight back to Dean?! I don't even know if you have broken up with him..."  
  
As soon as she started sobbing I knew I had gone too far. Why couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut?! I didn't mean to throw all these accusations at her...God...I hated to see her crying.  
  
I tried to pull her in my arms but she resisted.  
  
"No"  
  
She tried to push me away but I wouldn't listen. I pulled her back in with force and shut my arms around her so she couldn't step back out of my embrace.  
  
"Jess..." Her voice pleaded and her eyes were filled with tears.  
  
"Rory" I responded as softly as I could. My eyes were no longer cold and distant, instead they became warm and clearly showed the love I felt for her.  
  
When my mouth crushed hers her eyes widened in shock for a second. Then we both closed them and surrendered to the sensation of two tongues fighting the rest of our battle. 


	13. Just Not Now

A/N: This is the last chapter for Getting Experienced. I'm thinking about writing a sequel. I'm not sure yet. Please tell me what you think about it!  
  
A/N: for the people who read and liked Just Family, I've put it up at adultfanfiction.net if you want me to write more please review!  
  
A/N: Here's the last chapter to Getting Experienced: enjoy!  
  
~~  
  
**Jess's POV**  
  
She tried to push me away but I wouldn't listen. I pulled her back in with force and shut my arms around her so she couldn't step back out of my embrace.  
  
"Jess..." Her voice pleaded and her eyes were filled with tears.  
  
"Rory" I responded as softly as I could. My eyes were no longer cold and distant, instead they became warm and clearly showed the love I felt for her.  
  
When my mouth crushed hers her eyes widened in shock for a second. Then we both closed them and surrendered to the sensation of two tongues fighting the rest of our battle.  
  
~~  
  
**Regular POV**  
  
They broke apart, both breathing heavily.  
  
"Jess...shouldn't we like uhm...talk?"  
  
Rory looked up at Jess. There was so much stuff still unsaid between them.  
  
"Talk?"  
  
He laughed a little.  
  
"I think we've talked enough for a while Ror..."  
  
A seductive grin appeared on his face and he pulled her closer to him.  
  
"Why don't we just...let our bodies do the talking for a while huh?"  
  
**Rory's POV**  
  
And with those words his mouth claimed mine again. And again. And again. Until I forgot what was so important about talking and got swept away by his kisses. I love kissing him. Something about his kisses just makes me fall in love with him time and time again. It wasn't just the fact that he was the best kisser I've kissed cause the only comparison I have is Dean, but he touched my soul with every kiss. And I couldn't resist him, even if I wanted to.  
  
**Regular POV**  
  
Jess slowly started to lead Rory to his bed, eventually falling on the blankets with Rory on top of him. He kissed her sweet mouth time and time again leaving her lips swollen and red. Then he slowly started to kiss her neck, licking and sucking her sensitive spots until she was moaning his name.  
  
He loved to hear that. His name never sounded sweeter than at those moments. It showed that she was his. Utterly and totally his. He knew she wanted to be with him.  
  
There was just one problem. His past. He knew that with every minute they spent together his past casted a bigger shadow over them. She didn't know. She was blissfully unaware of the things that were haunting his dreams...  
  
But he would have to tell her.  
  
Just not now.  
  
Later.  
  
He would.  
  
He promised himself that.  
  
Just...not now.  
  
Not when everything was so right.  
  
Later.  
  
He tried to lose himself in her, but realized that he couldn't. Last time things had been easier. She had been with Dean and he wouldn't have to think about the consequences. Making love to her wasn't going to get him in trouble he couldn't get out of. But this time...he knew how it would end. They would make love, lie in eachothers arms for a while and then she would ask. He would be vulnerable, and she would take advantage of that to ask him about his past. And they would fight. And their perfect first time as a couple would be ruined.  
  
His hands slid under her shirt, warming up her skin. He was still kissing her neck, this time marking her as his. Slowly his hands found their way to her breasts, her nipples got hard in his hand. He loved the effect he had on Rory. The way she trusted him with her body. It got him hard. Fast.  
  
Rory was a little more daring than last time, and she slid her hands up his shirt, shedding it onto the floor. Then she flipped him over, straddling him and carressing his chest. She loved how his abs felt under her fingers, how his body tensed with every soft stroke. She licked her lips and saw the expectant look on his face. Starting at his neck, she kissed her way down to his chest, circling his nipples with her tongue. He sucked in his breath as she sucked his nipple into her mouth. Her left hand carressed his other nipple while her right hand found her way down to his pants. He gasped when she grabbed his rockhard dick and began stroking it through his pants.  
  
He wanted to get rid of his clothes, rip her out of hers and fuck her. But he couldn't. Not cause she was too innocent or too pure, but because she was still straddling him, doing unbelieveable things. She was sucking his nipples, still stroking his penis with hard fast strokes...exactly the way he liked it. She stopped sucking his nipples for a minute to unzip his pants and pulled his boxers down with them.  
  
"Do you want me?"  
  
She whispered in his ear, licking his earlobe suggestively. He could only nod, he didn't trust his mouth anymore. It was too dry in anticipation.  
  
How the hell did she get like this? This...experienced...it was almost like she played him. He knew their deal had begun to get her experienced, but he didn't teach her this. Not that he minded. Oh no. He could always appreciate a nice blowjob, but what she was doing to him was more than just nice. It was amazing. Perfect.  
  
When he entered her they both moaned with pleasure. It was so different from their first time. This time, Jess didn't have to be careful...well not so careful anyway. And she was on top. Halleluja she was on top. He put his hands on her hips and they moved in unison. It didn't take them long to cry out eachothers names at orgasms washed down their body.  
  
Afterwards they laid in eachothers arms. He relaxed a little as time passed, not expecting that question to be thrown at him anymore. It bought him some time to think about stuff. He knew that he needed to tell her, she needed to know if they wanted this to work.  
  
Just not now.  
  
A/N: I regret to announce...this is the end. I bid you all a very fond farewell. (yeah I'm a LotR freak :P) Anywayzzz...tell me if you want a sequel! And don't forget to review! 


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